Love and Relationships

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Let me share my view on attraction, lust and love. Earlier we thought that only two opposite bodies attract. These two opposite bodies can be a Man and a Woman. Only this combination was considered by us as the only natural and healthy relationship. Now the situation has changed and we find that a similar attraction is being seen even in other combinations like a Man-Man and a Woman-Woman. This is where the universal social issues like LGBT are cropping up. When we dont find a meaning in a natural relationship, we try to find a meaning in an unnatural relationship. Whatever you say, whether natural or unnatural, these new relationships are becoming the new possibilities. And how far this will go nobody can say with a certainty. We have to now say that not only two opposite bodies get attracted but two opposite energy fields also get attracted. We have by now seen all the possible combinations: Man-Woman, Man-Animal, Woman-Animal, Man-Man, Woman-Woman, Man-Machine, and Woman-Machine. And the last combination that is going to be possible in the distant future is that of a Machine-Machine. And two robots will marry and will also take a divorce in the future. The latest trend in relationships, whether we call it ugly or unnatural, is that of a man and machines, and that of a woman and machines. From sex dolls and sex toys the world is now moving towards male and female robots. And in the future a man and a woman will marry and will alos take a divorce with the robots. 

Let us explore and understand why these changes are taking place in modern relationships. What is the reason and meaning behind all this? All this is becoming possible because a man is not only a man but a woman too. And a woman is not only a woman but a man too. Each person is a proportion of these two energies - masculine and feminine, Shiva and Shakti, Yang and Yin. And this proportion differs from person to person. And it seems now that this natural proportion is getting distorted. A man has to understand not only the woman outside his being but also the woman inside his being. And similarly a woman also has to understand not only a man outside her being but also a man inside her own being. Everyone carries the opposite within. A man carries an inner woman within, and a woman carries an inner man within. The best way is before you try to understand the other you must first try to understand yourself first. You can never understand the other. And in that you can never understand a woman. This in fact is an impossible thing. Therefore, never try to understand a woman because nobody could understand her. And my suggestion is please dont try to understand her and try to love her. These are the two basic opposing energies within each individual. They are in fact not opposing but in some deeper way complementing each other. Therefore, understanding these two opposing energies and their nature is a great challenge. And a fusion or a synthesis of these two energies is a far greater challenge. Let us accept this challenge from the very beginning. And with this attitude there is every possibility that the journey can become easy and smooth. 

There are two kinds of attractions in this. The first attraction is at the body level. And the force of attraction here is that of the force of gravity. And the second attraction is at the mental, psychological, and spiritual level. And the force of attraction here is that of grace. The same force at the body level changes to another force at the spiritual level. The force of gravity at the body level can change to the force of grace at the spiritual level. This is a reality and a great mystery really. Grace means that the force of attraction is coming from the divine and not created by us. The difference is very subtle. The force of gravity is that of pull and push, and it is coming from the outside. And the force of grace means that of surrender, and it is arising from within. Just think and ponder on this. Two opposite bodies attract but two opposite thoughts and philosophies do not attract. Only two similar thoughts and philosophies attract. And this is a paradigm. Two negative minds attract each other. Two negative thoughts attract each other. Two negative philosophies attract each other. Two positive minds attract each other. Two positive thoughts attract each other. Two positive philosophies attract each other. And there is a paradigm shift. Two opposite bodies attract but two opposite minds dont attract. This is the basic difference. The whole purpose is, can the relationship move from the body level to the spiritual level? The whole purpose is, can we move from the force of gravity to the force of grace? Can lust become love? Can sex become Supreme Consciousness? Our aim has to be to look into these possibilities. If this becomes possible then the relationship of a man and a woman can take them together to the highest level of love possible. This may take them to the very zenith of love. It may take them to the purest form of love. The purest love is formless and it takes the form only when it is full of lust. In this relationship of pure love there is not only a highest level of satisfaction at the body level but also at the spiritual level. To me except this there is no other kind of love. To me this is the only end goal of all relationships between a man and a woman. And all other kinds of relationships, whether you call them platonic or whatever, will only leave some kind of emotional discontent and dissatisfaction on the psyche of an individual, whether a man or a woman. And all pseudo relationships can never culminate into an ultimate and everlasting relationship of joy and happiness. And we will only be moving from one relationship to another by giving them various names of convenience. And platonic is also one such name of convenience. It is emanating from some kind of psychological dissatisfaction. You will never get any conclusive evidence on this. This debate is not new. This debate is going on for eternity and shall continue till eternity. All breakups are the result of these pseudo relationships where the true love was either not there or there was no effort between the partners to create true love and understanding. And please remember that all relationships in the beginning are pseudo. All of them without any exception. The couple or the partners have to really work hard to make the relationship grow and become divine. This is a greatest challenge. And both the partners have to take the responsibility. It is like a tight rope walking. And true success is possible only when we bring in a balance. All relationships are pseudo by default and can become perfect only by design. 

Every woman is always seeking and searching for Mr. Perfect and every man is also seeking and searching for Ms. Perfect. But the sad part of all this is that these two Perfects have never met and will never meet. This is impossible because there is nothing called perfect. Perfection is a wrong word and a wrong idea. It is a dead word. It is not an alive and living word. It is not a natural word. It is a dead-end. It is not a flowing thing. It is not a moving thing. It is in fact a dying thing. Perfection has never existed and perfection will never exist. Perfection means death. It is an end of life. Perfection simply means there is no evolution and there is no revolution. The difference is very vital. Evolution means the change that is happening from the side of the nature or existence, and revolution means the change that is happening from our side. The real and natural word is Perfecting. It is a continuous and on-going thing. It is a continuous process. We all are continuously perfecting. It is organic and not synthetic. The reality is that the very search in a wrong direction results only in frustration. This is like a mirage. And this is like moving from one hope to another. And every new hope again results into a new frustration. It is like the old saying that the man proposes and God disposes. Mr. Perfect and Ms. Perfect are like two parallel lines that will never meet and will never intersect. And relationship means the two lines will intersect at some point. Mr. Perfect and Ms. Perfect are like two big egos sitting on the top of two hilltops. They both are simply looking at each other and thinking and hoping that the other will come and meet. And each one feels that he or she is perfect and the other is not. This is the basic fallacy of two static things. And this is the reason why two mountains do not meet. And when they really meet they meet in the valley. The valley is a meeting point of the two mountains. The valley is a fusion of their egos. The ego is a static thing like a rock or a mountain. It is not a dynamic and changing thing like a river. The two flowing rivers meet in an ocean. And when the two rivers meet they are never two and have become one. Their individual identities are lost in that one common thing. Whereas the non-moving waters of a pond either dry-up or stink. The only reason for this is that the waters are not flowing and moving. The rivers are ready to change and are dynamic. So the real word is perfecting and not perfection. 

There is a famous proverb on relationships and breakups. It says that the relationships are like a glass. Sometimes its better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. And it is the same thing again, you see. You will again try for another new glass. And what is the guarantee that the new glass will not be broken again? So be careful that it is a glass and it can be broken. And once it is broken it is very difficult to glue it together. The original and natural thing is lost forever. If we move with the same old thinking then there is every possibility that this new relationship will also be broken. If our thinking is the same then nothing will ever change. Only relationships will change and not the relationship. Only the bodies will change and not the minds. Nothing will change fundamentally. The break-up simply means there was either no love or there was no effort of creating love from both the sides. Love means an intersection of the bodies, minds, and hearts. Not having love is not a bad thing. Having hatred is not a bad thing. But just getting stuck at the level of no-love or hatred is a bad thing. Love is not possible without hatred and hatred is impossible with true love. Hatred can be transformed into love. Lust can be transformed into love. This is an alchemy and this is possible. Real love only unites two hearts and never breaks two hearts. Only hatred breaks the relationship and not the love. Is a relationship so cheap that it is only meant for making, breaking, and remaking?

The metaphysics is that two opposite bodies attract and two similar thoughts and philosophies also attract. This is the whole metaphysics. At the body level we have to be just the pure opposite bodies and at the psychological level we need to be similar in our thinking and philosophies. Just like two positive thoughts attract, in a similar way two negative thoughts also attract. Two opposite bodies attract. Two opposite poles attract. Two positive thoughts attract. And two negative thoughts also attract. Positive attraction is creative and negative attraction is destructive. The breaking of a relationship simply means that we have never experimented the relationship at the level of the minds and hearts. The breaking of a relationship simply means that we have never experimented the relationship at the level of our thoughts and emotions. It simply means that we have never gone beyond the body. And meeting of the bodies and meeting of the minds are two different things. Sex at the level of our bodies renews and rejuvenates the sex energy of our bodies. The meeting of the two opposite sex energies renew and rejuvenate the two bodies, and both the man and the woman have a totally new being. Normally the thinking is that the release of sex energy is a wastage of the sex energy. This is a wrong thinking and a wrong notion. A deeply satisfied sexual life gives a different aura and color to the opposite bodies. The two opposite bodies glow. When it comes to the couple, their sex has no meaning unless there is a love in their sex. And their love also has no meaning unless their is a sex in their love. In a deeply satisfied sex life the bodies of a man and a woman get a different glow. Their faces get a different glow. That is why Tantra is a natural way of meeting the God through the meeting and merging of the two bodies. It is as if God or existence has chosen this path naturally and intelligently. The whole path is moving from the meeting of the bodies to the meeting of the minds and hearts, and then becoming one with the soul. We may have two different bodies and two different minds but we have the same soul. The soul is one. My soul and the soul of my beloved are not two different entities. The whole journey of all relationships is meeting and merging in that one soul. Two rivers meet and merge in one ocean. The bodies are like two rivers and the soul is like an ocean. This is a real union of our Body, Mind and Soul. Our soul is nothing but a state of our infinite joy and happiness. It simply means that now there are no more divisions. This is how the relationship has to move. It has to first move and transform at the level of the body. It is a body-body relationship. The more opposite the bodies, the better it is. It has to then move and transform at the mind level. It is a mind-mind relationship. The more silent the minds, the better it is. It has to then move and transform at the level of the hearts. It is a heart-heart relationship. The more loving the hearts, the better it is. And finally the relationship has to move to the level of the soul. It is a common point of the two bodies. There are no two souls. At the level of the soul the two bodies have merged and melted into one. The whole ego has disappeared. The whole ignorance has disappeared. The two personalities have disappeared. All the divisions have disappeared. And hence all the conflict and chaos has also disappeared. And now there is only symphony and synchronicity between the two bodies. The two individuals may appear as two different bodies to the outside world but in their inner understanding and experience they have become one. And this is what is called a divine relationship and a divine love. The Shiva and Shakti have merged and become an Ekalinga. This is the goal of Tantra. This is the path of Tantra. 

Let me share with you a miracle of a love triangle. In order to move from lust to love and to move from the bodily love to spiritual love we can use this triangle. This I call a divine love triangle. This triangle will help us to move from a conditional love to an unconditional love. This triangle will help us in purifying our lust into the purest form of love. This triangle will help us to move from sex to Supreme Consciousness. There are three kinds of love. One is take-take. Second is give-take. And the third is give-give. The first kind of love is very selfish and egoistic. It always results into a win-lose or lose-win situation. And it is a dependent love. This is a conditional love and an imperfect love. And this kind of love gives only a bondage and not a freedom. The second kind of love is very organic. It is earthly, warm, and natural. It always results in a win-win situation. It is an interdependent love. And it is a perfecting love. The third kind of a love is give-give. This is the most purest form of love. It always believes in giving first. It does not bother about taking at all. It does not actually know what is taking. It is very pure and spiritual. It is independent and gives the highest freedom possible. This is the most perfect love if we are so obsessive of using that never existing word called perfection. We can always use this divine love triangle to move from the lower form of love to the higher form of love. And all this is possible only through Dhyana or Meditation. 

What is the problem with the relationships today? Except nagging, blaming, and fighting they have no other common goal. Do you know why couples continuously fight? The main reason of all this fight is to show and prove who is the boss? Each one wants to create his or her own kingdom and be the king or queen. Each one wants to dominate and subdue the other. The problem is that of who is the Guru? Each one wants to become a Guru and make the other a Disciple. Each one wants to become a Leader and wishes to see the other a Follower. The whole problem is of two. The whole problem is that of duality. The whole problem is that of Dvaita. The whole problem is that of who is number One out of these Two. The whole problem is of One plus One. And the real solution actually lies in Advaita. The whole problem is of ego (Ahankara) and ignorance (Ajnana) in all its subtle manifestations and identifications. The ultimate reason is of not having true love and true understanding between the two. And one eternal question arises out of this problem. Is there really a solution to this problem? The answer is either Yes or No and it depends. As long as the couple are two (One plus One) the problem will compound and the fight for survival and supremacy will continue. And this will become a perennial problem and will remain as an eternal issue. And if the two personalities dissolve and melt in a common goal called the Divinity or God then only the Divinity will function through them. This is possible only when both the partners make a common goal and make all possible efforts in moving towards that common goal. And that IF is a life and death question. The two can strike a common goal only through Dhyana or Meditation. Just look at the construction of your own house. The four walls of a house can meet only through a common roofing or ceiling. And the same is also true with all our relationships. This common roofing or ceiling to me is like Dhyana or Meditation. Dhyana or Meditation becomes a bridge between the couple. And ultimately Dhyana or Meditation can become a bridge between us and the divine. 

A small joke. A wife is very angry at the husband for no reason at all and starts yelling at him in a high pitch. The husband says, Look honey, we can discuss the same problem silently and without making a big fuss about it. The wife responds by saying, You know sweet heart, I always lose the game whenever I fight the game silently. This is the whole problem. The whole fight is to be the winner. The whole fight is to win the game. And all this is coming from our ugly past. All this is coming from our past programing and conditioning. The whole situation is exactly like that one beautiful Hindi film song. The lyrics of the song are like this: Rukmani, Rukmani. Shadi Ke Baad Kya Kya Hua. Kon Hara Kon Jeeta. Khidki Mese Dekho Jara (Rukmani, just tell me what has happened after the marraige. Just peep from the window and see who has won and who has lost). A good relationship is definitely better than being single. And being single is far better than going into a bad relationship. We also say that he is single and ready to mingle. And whatever that good and bad is, it is never going to be possible unless we adventure into that relationship. Please remember that relationships are created and they dont happen in the heaven. One has to work hard to create good and better relationships. The heaven and hell are not some geographic places in the outer sky. They are psychological and spiritual spaces within our own inner being. When your emotions are positive, you feel like a heaven. And when your emotions are negative, you feel like a hell. When you feel good and better, it is like a heaven. And when you feel like bad and worst, it is like a hell. One has to continuously try and work towards a blissful and beautiful relationship. The separation does not necessarily mean physical separation. The couple may be living under a single roof as husband and wife. They may be called husband and wife legally. And they may not be together with their body, mind and soul. They may be just living together as corpses. They may not be together spiritually. There can only be either of the two things: Law or Love. And both these are mutually exclusive. They can not co-exist together. You can not impose love by law. And the presence of one presumes the absence of the other. If there is love then there is no need of any law. And if there is no love then you need the protection of law. Either there is love or there is no love. And the manifestation of all that is ugly in life is because of the absence of love. Love is not a commodity that is available in the market that we can just go and buy. And love can be created. And yes, the body can be bought. A machine can be bought. And sex can be bought. Love has to be created in the deepest core of your being. And the whole endeavor of a mans living is to create love. There are only two kinds of mysteries in life. One is of love and the other is of death. The life of love is true love, and the death of love is true death. There is no physical death really. There is nothing that really dies in the whole universe. When an electron can not die how our body can die? Everything gets transformed. Hatred transforms into love, and love transforms into prayer. And true love ultimately transforms into compassion. A love marriage resulting into a separation and divorce simply indicates that there was no love and understanding at all between the two individuals. And an arranged marriage resulting into a separation and divorce simply means that love and understanding could not be created by the two individuals. And a live-in relationship which does not ultimately result into an everlasting relationship of love and understanding simply means that there was no love and understanding in the very first place between the two individuals.    

There is a huge research going on in human and machine relationships. This research throws the possibility of humans marrying robots in the next 50 odd years. David Levy is an artificial intelligence researcher at the University of Maastricht in the Netherlands. He has done a considerable research on the subject of human-robot relationships. He has also done his PhD on this subject. Today sex with a robot may sound weird but this may be a possibility in the near future. According to his study there could be marriages taking place between the humans and the robots. All the present laws on marriages and divorces will undergo a drastic change in the future when marriages between humans and robots would become a reality. According to his research there is also a possibility that two robots will marry and also take a divorce. The very idea about love and romance between the human beings and their artistic creations is nothing new. If we look into the ancient times there is a Greek myth of the sculptor Pygmalion falling in love with the ivory statue he made and named Galatea. As per the mythic story the Goddess of Venus eventually granted life to this statue. This is exactly how small boys and girls during their childhood days play these marriage games of the toys. In Indian tradition we call it 
Gudda-Guddika khel, the play of the marriage of the toys as husband and wife played by small children. Well, these are all imaginations and are part of our unconsciousness. Even now the robots are being used in factories and offices and are more mechanical and not human-like. And this trend is now moving towards making robots human-like and coming in contact with humans more personally and emotionally. The future robots will have human-like appearances and they will also show emotional and psychological feelings. David Levy says in his thesis, Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners, that the robots will become so human-like in appearance, function, and personality that many people will just fall in love with them, have sex with them and even marry them. He says that love and sex with robots is inevitable. Will it happen or will it not happen is not a curious question? The curious question is when it will happen? David Levy says that the psychologists have identified few basic reasons why people fall in love and all these can easily be programmed. According to the psychologists one basic reason why people fall in love is because of their similarities in personality and knowledge. Another reason why people most likely to fall in love is if they know that the other person likes them. There could be many more reasons. And majority of these reasons are programmable. To me this is really not surprising. Already there are companies which sell sex toys and dolls. Human-like robots for the purpose of love and sex is just an extension of these sex toys or dolls. This is nothing new and it is sure to happen. Henrik Christensen, founder of the European Robotics Research Network has already predicted in 2006 that people will be having sex with robots in next five years. David Levy says that this is quite likely in the near future. David Levy says that one hundred years ago interracial marriage and same-sex marriages were illegal in the United States. He further says that interracial marriage has been legal now for 50 years, and same-sex marriage is legal in some parts of the states. To me all these dynamics throw a lot of challenges to the future of humanity in terms of the benefits of these relationships and also about the ethical, legal, moral, psychological, and spiritual questions involved in the whole thing. The scientists are also talking about creating an artificial consciousness. There is one more risk in the near future with the intelligent machines. Scientists talk of a hypothetical and imaginary state of technological singularity. This state may become possible. This is a state when the robots outsmart the human capabilities. This is a state when artificial intelligence outsmarts the human intelligence. And in this state the robots will be able to think more than the human beings. What would happen in this state then? Well, the scientists say that in this state the robots will have their own wish and will, and they will have their own goals. Let us imagine and apply that in real love and relationships. The robots may destroy and kill the human beings. A male robot may become jealous of somebodys wife and may abduct and molest her. A robot may get fed up with a human relationship and may fall in love with another robot. Two robots may fell in love with each other and may marry. Two robots may just have a live-in relationship. Two married robots may apply for a divorce in a court of law. A robot may commit a rape and murder. And what If the judge is also a robot? We can take all this to any ugly dimensions possible. We really do not know whether a man will live ultimately or a machine will live. It is time to think and ponder on the merits and demerits of the science of artificial intelligence. The ultimate test is, is it a man behind the machine or a machine behind the man? The true answer to this must come from the deepest core of our being.

To me there is a huge difference between liking and loving. Liking can be for a thing, an idea or a person. Loving the other person may involve meeting of the bodies and meeting of the minds. To make it simple, liking can be for non-living things and loving can be for living things. To give some reasons for the liking of a thing or an idea is easy but it is very difficult to give a reason why we love a particular person. The fundamental question is, is true love possible out of a reason? If there is a reason for love, then is that really a love? Liking can be for a reason and sex also can be for a reason but true love can not be for a reason. Liking can be conditional and sex can also be conditional but true love can not be conditional. Love is not possible out of a reason. True love may also involve sex and meeting of the bodies and that is a different thing. It is a different thing because in the whole process we are moving from the body to the being. To me, there is a basic desire for love in all the human beings. And this desire is natural and God given. This desire gives us a direction towards loving a particular person. And this love finally and eventually evolves into a divine love because both the bodies have a common soul. Lust and sex may look ugly initially. But this is only a beginning and a starting point. There is no other way but to move on this path. There is no need to feel guilty for it or condemn it. But there should be a constant effort to evolve out of it. And this is possible only through observation and contemplation. To me, love is not available and has to be created. The higher form evolves out of the lower form. The higher form is embedded in the lower form. The 24 carat gold is hidden in the raw gold. The flower and fruits are hidden in the seed of the flower. Lust or sex is only a seed of love. And love is a flowering of lust. Love is hidden in the lust, and sex is hidden in the Supreme Consciousness. The other way of saying it is that love evolves out of lust, and Supreme Consciousness evolves out of sex. Lust and sex are the lower forms of the same divine love. Sex and lust are the lower energies of the same divine energy. This lower energy when channelized properly can move towards the love of the divine. All desire is for the divinity. All lust is for love. All sex is only for the Supreme Consciousness. In the ultimate analysis all desire is for divinity, all power is for a prayer, and all energy is for
Enlightenment. And all this is possible only through the process of observation, contemplation, Dhyana or Meditation. And to move in the right direction of the desire and to give a right direction to this basic energy of life is a greatest challenge.

Dhyana or Meditation can be made into a common goal. In meditation all the impurities of the body, mind, and heart are dissolved and the result is a purest form of love. And this love is spiritual. For example, in the process of raw gold passing through the acid test and the fire test all the impurities are lost and the result is a 24 carat pure gold. It is the purest form of gold. Dhyana or Meditation works as an acid test and a fire test. Lust is the lower form of love. Sex is the lower form of Supreme Consciousness. Lust is an impurity in love. Sex is an impurity in Supreme Consciousness. In the process of Dhyana or Meditation all these impurities of the body, mind, and heart are dissolved and the result is pure love and compassion. In this process true love and friendship grows. In this process true love and trust grows. The result of all this challenge is a most beautiful and blissful relationship. And the only ingredients of an everlasting relationship are love and understanding.